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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27806362">A Heart's Home (Costia AU)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EffortlesslyOpulent/pseuds/EffortlesslyOpulent'>EffortlesslyOpulent</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergent, Clexa Endgame, F/F, Jealousy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:34:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,658</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27806362</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EffortlesslyOpulent/pseuds/EffortlesslyOpulent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in a canon divergent setting where Lexa is never shot:</p><p>As Clarke and Lexa's relationship grows, they believe tensions between the clans are settling, and they can finally pursue each other. What happens when Costia suddenly returns, throwing Lexa's heart into the depths of longing and remembrance for someone she used to know? Unbeknownst to her, not all is well between her clans. War is coming, and there are heavy decisions to make.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Costia/Lexa (The 100)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>278</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was written several years ago and is part of my effort to move all my works to the archive.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“That brings us to the matter of Skaikru’s service.” The ambassador from Floukru went on, his voice but a monotonous drone in a sea of hundreds that Clarke had heard that morning. </p><p>The war room was nothing if not a place of professionalism, and yet, Clarke found her eyes wandering and her lips twitching into the ghost of a smile every so often. </p><p>She was grateful that she had the privilege. </p><p>She hadn’t ever realized that love, affection, <em> laughter- </em>these were privileges afforded to those who weren’t suffering the horrors of war. </p><p>And it tasted all the sweeter, because <em> she </em>had brought her people to that point. </p><p><em> They </em> had brought <em> their </em>people to that point. To the point of peace. </p><p>Clarke glanced across the room with inquisitive eyes, meeting mesmerizing forested green, probing, <em> speaking </em>to her through their depths. </p><p>
  <em> Focus, Clarke.  </em>
</p><p>Clarke could almost hear Lexa’s voice, soft and stern all at once, a blissfully sweet dichotomy, lulling her into her thoughts. </p><p>“<em> Wanheda </em>.” Lexa’s voice filled the room, thick with the tension that gathered right before mid-afternoon, the result of being pent up all day. </p><p>Clarke snapped to attention, blinking rapidly. </p><p>She <em> swore, </em>Lexa almost wanted to smile. </p><p>But she didn’t. </p><p>She wore a stoney professional facade, and in that moment, she didn’t really <em> look </em>like Clarke’s girlfriend. </p><p>But that was what she was. </p><p>Well, unofficially. If there even was such a thing in Grounder culture, Clarke wasn’t too sure. She knew that she liked Lexa. Hell, she knew that she loved her. They had been slow to say it, never quite forming the words, but their relationship was <em> young.  </em></p><p>It had only been their first time a few weeks prior, when Clarke left for the blockade. Since then, they had managed to quell Pike’s rebellion, and Lexa fully inducted Skaikru into her coalition, with heavy penalties on their end. </p><p>Penalties, with exact terms that Clarke was <em> supposed </em>to be helping negotiate. </p><p>“...Uh.” Clarke came to, licking her lips. “Service?” </p><p>The Floukru ambassador looked tired. “...As penalty for the sins of your people? The slaughter of the-” </p><p>Before he could finish, Lexa came to the rescue (as Clarke noticed, she always did). </p><p>“Perhaps we should adjourn this meeting, and continue at dawn.” Lexa spoke, and Clarke took a good look at her. She looked angelic, sitting in her chair, posture perfected, grip loose on the armrest. Her expression was neutral, her hair pulled back into intricate braids that Clarke tried so desperately to learn. Her Commander’s coat was regally draped over her as she sat, and a small ray of fading light was setting the room ablaze from behind her, illuminating the scrolls that sat on the table before them. </p><p>“<em> Heda, </em>no-” </p><p>“<em> Em pleni.” </em> Lexa snapped, suddenly turning abrasive. “I apologize for making that sound like anything <em> other </em>than an order.” </p><p>The table fell silent, and the ambassadors fidgeted awkwardly after that, like mice caught in the paws of a lion. </p><p>“Dismissed.” Lexa announced wryly, leaning back in her chair to watch her ambassadors get up, one by one, and leave. </p><p>Her eyes never left Clarke, following her downcast expression, clearly embarrassed, as she pushed her chair in and turned to leave. </p><p>“<em> Wanheda.” </em> Lexa drawled. “A word?”</p><p>Clarke paused, biting her lip. She watched the guards exchange unreadable glances, before finally ushering out the few who lingered, shutting the thick doors behind them with a finalizing thud. </p><p>They were alone. </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Clarke blurted out, and she found it to be rather uncharacteristic. Apologizing was never her forte, but she didn’t want to disappoint the Commander. She didn’t want to disappoint <em> Lexa. </em></p><p>“I’m sorry that I wasn’t paying attention.” Clarke clarified, each word feeling heavy on her tongue. “I will-” </p><p>“<em> Klark.” </em> Lexa spoke, and it was like honey. The way she playfully rolled Clarke’s name off her tongue would be the death of Clarke, she was sure.  “You’re not <em> actually </em>in trouble.” She spoke with half amusement, half surprise. She didn’t want to make Clarke feel less than, but she wanted to maintain the idea of professionalism in front of her people. </p><p>It was always a delicate line to walk. </p><p>Lexa stood, rising from her chair with all the delicacy and grace of a leader, pushing it in as she stood to her full height, her coat falling perfectly into place with each stride she took in Clarke’s direction. </p><p>She stopped a foot away, her hands falling to her sides, as if she wanted to cup Clarke’s cheeks, but was suddenly unsure. </p><p>Clarke felt a smile tug at her lips. She was perhaps the <em> only </em>person who ever got to see Heda Leksa like this. Shy, unassuming, unsure. Except maybe Costia. </p><p>“Are we alone?” Clarke asked, surprised at how raspy she found her own voice to be. </p><p>Lexa was silent for a moment, and then a wry, “We’re never truly alone, Klark.” </p><p>“Then let’s go somewhere we <em> can </em>be.” </p><hr/><p>It wasn’t until the door to Lexa’s bedchambers had shut that Clarke even <em> considered </em>touching the Commander. </p><p>The door clicked in place, the guards took up their positions outside, and a silence fell over the room. Candles flickered in their sconces, pages of the book Lexa had been reading flipped with the breeze that came from the open balcony, where Lexa had spent her time gazing over her people in times of distress. </p><p>When Lexa began to remove her coat, Clarke stepped forward, her fingers grazing Lexa’s shoulder pads. </p><p>“Let me.” Clarke offered, and Lexa regarded her with a twinkling gaze and an upwards twitch of the lips before sighing in contentment. </p><p>Slowly, Clarke undid Lexa’s shoulder piece, lifting the heavy pauldron and setting it off to the side. She made quick work of the buckles that held Lexa’s coat closed, watching the furs practically peel apart to reveal Lexa’s toned physique, under a thin layer of clothing. </p><p>Lexa let out soft sighs of relief, and Clarke’s heart felt for her, carrying the burdens of her people in the form of cumbersome clothing, wherever she went. She loved unraveling Lexa like this, watching her slowly transform from Heda to Lexa. </p><p>Clarke’s fingers danced along her coat, sliding up to her collar, the furs tickling her skin. She moved up to slowly cup Lexa’s cheeks, entranced by the sharp jawline, the forested gaze, the full lips. </p><p>It was Lexa who surged forward, desperately, clinging to Clarke’s shirt as she did so. She kissed Clarke as if they didn’t share a bed, as if they hadn’t spent the night before barely sleeping at all. She kissed Clarke with an intensity that she couldn’t quite fathom, she couldn’t understand why the sky girl made her knees weak and her lips tremble. </p><p>Clarke was smiling into the kiss, and soon, Lexa was as well, the two messily kissing, laughing more than they were focusing on technique. </p><p>“Hi.” Lexa whispered hazily as they broke the kiss, pressing her forehead against Clarke’s. </p><p>“I’m sorry I ruined the meeting.” Clarke repeated, this time, more open and less apologetic than before.</p><p>Lexa wore a look of amusement, still. “I think you made it...rather interesting.” </p><p>At that, Clarke grinned. “My people will regret making me the ambassador, one of these days.” </p><p>Lexa tsked. “You have the makings of leadership in your blood, <em> Klark. </em> Your people know that.” </p><p>“Kane is diplomatic.” Clarke argued. </p><p>“Kane is not...beautiful...to look at.” Lexa quipped, and Clarke blushed wickedly, earning a grin from Lexa. </p><p>“So <em> that’s </em>why I interest you. My looks.” Clarke teased. </p><p>Lexa didn’t take the bait, licking her lips. “Precisely. It has nothing to do with our shared burdens, or my fascination of your boundless love and commitment to your people.” </p><p>
  <em> Boundless love.  </em>
</p><p>Clarke felt a little guilty knot, at the base of her stomach. </p><p>She and Lexa hadn’t exchanged those three words. They hadn’t actually exchanged many words at all, on their situation. </p><p>Lexa had asked Clarke to stay, after she’d been visiting Lexa’s chambers, the night she returned from Arkadia with news of peace. </p><p>They’d gone at each other so frantically, so desperately, love pouring from every motion.</p><p>The following evening, Clarke visited again. </p><p>Lexa asked her to stay once more. </p><p>A week had passed, every night following the same routine. </p><p>Nights of passion, of unmatched love, of intimacy that they’d never experienced before. </p><p>Days of remorse, for not having said all that was on their minds, of coming clean. </p><p>On the seventh night, Lexa asked Clarke to stay once more. </p><p>Clarke agreed. </p><p>Lexa then paused, and asked Clarke if she’d like to share Lexa’s quarters with her. </p><p>Clarke agreed. </p><p>Since then, the two weren’t as afraid to show their intimacy in moments of privacy. Lexa would find herself bantering with Clarke more often, in love with her wit, her character. </p><p>Clarke knew that she wasn’t just someone occupying the Commander’s bed, as Lexa spent every waking moment either working, or with Clarke. </p><p>They read together. They discussed their lives. Clarke taught Lexa to play chess, and Lexa taught Clarke the art of hunting, spending the summer nights in the warmth of the surrounding forest. </p><p>They grew undeniably closer, without ever having to ask what it was that they were doing. </p><p>Clarke was falling in love. Hell, she’d loved Lexa since before Mt. Weather, and that was truly astounding. </p><p>Lexa was in love with every part of Clarke. </p><p>And neither had mentioned it. </p><p>Clarke felt the need every single day, to burst with affection for Lexa, to grab her and confess everything. </p><p>Lexa spent every day trying to make elaborate plans. She read on past rituals before the great war, before the world became the way it did. </p><p>She read of metals, forged into rings, that bonded partners together. She read of great gestures, “proposals” though not of the professional nature. She knew that those were for partnerships already established. </p><p>She wondered, in her spare moments alone, what she and Clarke were. </p><p>She itched to call her “Ai Niron.” </p><p>To publicly announce that Klark kom Skaikru was hers, to walk the streets of Polis’ market with Klark on her arm, to eventually bend the knee once more to Clarke, to give her a ring, to make her Lexa’s, so long as they both lived. </p><p>But she didn’t know where to begin, and Titus had always taught her to be weary taking the first step, for it would dictate her path for the rest of her life. </p><p>What Titus had failed to mention, however, was that love was not something that could be taught and coached by sayings of great Commanders before her. </p><p>Love came from the heart, and that was perhaps the one muscle in her body that still ached, that wasn’t honed and strengthened to perfection. </p><p>In the physical sense, Lexa could outrun, outfight, outlive every single one of her competitors. </p><p>In the emotional sense, Lexa was a weak, clueless young girl, barely twenty-two, who knew nothing other than war, and pain. </p><p>But muscles could be strengthened. </p><p>Clarke’s fingers found their way into Lexa’s hair, and she tugged Lexa closer, savoring the taste of the older girl’s lips. </p><p>Lexa fingers fumbled with Clarke’s shirt, a far cry from the poised leader she was during the day. </p><p>Clarke chuckled. </p><p>“Damned Skaikru garments.” Lexa growled, and Clarke felt a rush of arousal. </p><p>“They’re not that bad.” Clarke took a step back, as Lexa sat on the edge of the bed, facing Clarke with gloriously bright eyes and a wanton look. </p><p>“They look <em> uncomfortable. </em>How can you ever hunt in them?” Lexa muttered, mostly to herself. </p><p>“We don’t.” Clarke laughed. “We didn’t need to.” </p><p>“You still...wear your garments.” Lexa observed keenly, watching as Clarke shucked her shirt off. “Why is that?” </p><p>Clarke looked thoughtful. “Hmm. I...I don’t really know.” She admitted. “I think, on some level, it feels...familiar. It feels like home. Or...what home used to be. You know, on the Ark, I never thought of it as home. I always thought Earth was where I belonged.” </p><p>Lexa looked vulnerable. “...And now?” She whispered. </p><p>Clarke sighed. “Home turned out to be significantly harder to find.” </p><p>
  <em> You. You’re my home.  </em>
</p><p>“Ah.” Lexa licked her lips, looking disappointed. “I hope, then, that you find your home soon, Klark.” </p><p>Clarke paused, taking a beat. She dropped her shirt to the floor, feeling a little bare in just her bra. She stepped forward, between Lexa’s legs, putting her hands on Lexa’s shoulders. </p><p>“I didn’t say I never found it.” Clarke informed her firmly, delighted at Lexa’s hopeful gaze. “I said it wasn’t <em> easy </em>to find. But...I found her.” </p><p>“Her?” Lexa echoed, her voice carrying a hopeful lilt. </p><p>“Her.” Clarke confirmed. “She is my home. She understands me, she makes me feel safe...these were luxuries I didn’t have, on the Ark.” </p><p>Lexa’s cheeks turned rosy, her breaths coming out in long silent draws, as if to calm herself. She brought her hands up to Clarke’s hips, her gloved fingers steadying them. </p><p>“She does?” Lexa pressed, voice barely a whisper. </p><p>Clarke grinned, unable to hold back her happiness upon seeing Lexa’s surprise. </p><p>“My home and I...didn’t have the best start. I almost lost my home. Sometimes I still don’t understand her.” </p><p>Lexa scrunched up her nose at that, and it took all of Clarke’s inner strength not to seize her face and pepper it with kisses. </p><p>“My home is stubborn, and beautiful, and dangerous. I didn’t know my home could ever feel the same for me.” Clarke continued, surprised at how easily the words ebbed and flowed, like a river of truth spilling from her lips. “I didn’t think I’d ever have such a perfect home, but...I think I found her after all.” </p><p>Lexa leaned forward, leaning her head against Clarke’s bare torso, Clarke’s fingers running in her braids, slowly setting her hair free in luscious waves. </p><p>“Klark.” Lexa spoke up, slowly rolling the name off her tongue, glancing up at Clarke with the most loving gaze she could muster. “I…” The words caught in her throat, but Clarke’s stare was patient, soothing, even. Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat, now knowing for certain that she’d been wrong, that her doubts were foolish. </p><p>She had to tell Clarke how she felt, to assure her that Clarke was her home. To tell her she felt the same, and that she’d never felt such intense connections before. </p><p>Here, in the privacy of her quarters, she could betray tradition. She could admit that her first love was not Trikru, her people, the coalition, the conclave, her nightblood, that set her apart from anyone else. </p><p>It was the girl who fell from the sky, who lit a fire under her aching heart, who tended to her wounds with loving gazes and words like silk and balm that cooled even the deepest of cuts. </p><p>Outside, she was sworn to her people, and instrument of power and peace before she was but a teenager. </p><p>Here, she was Leksa kom Trikru and she loved Clarke with every fibre of her being. </p><p>“Klark, I-” </p><p>“Heda!” The call was urgent, shattering the moment. The tone was far too loud and quick to be a simple interruption. It sounded like danger, urgency. </p><p>Lexa’s reaction was noble. She shot up from her seat on the edge of the bed, left hand reaching for the dagger in her belt, right protectively curling around Clarke. </p><p>Clarke was reeling, moments away from hearing Lexa’s confession, only to hear (as much as she could make out in her broken understanding of Trigedasleng) </p><p>
  <em> Heda, come quickly. You’re needed in the throne room, urgently. </em>
</p><p>Clarke couldn’t remember much else after, the adrenaline of the moment coursing through her. What had happened? Had her people gone and fucked up the peace agreement she’d so tirelessly worked for? Was someone hurt? Was Lexa in danger? </p><p>She scrambled to put on her clothes, as Lexa did with her coat and pauldron, eyes glossed over, as if deep in thought. </p><p>“What are you doing?” Lexa asked Clarke hurriedly, rousing her from her thoughts. </p><p>“I’m coming.” Clarke replied questioningly.</p><p>“No.” Lexa shook her head. “There could be danger-” </p><p>“I’m coming.” Clarke gritted.</p><p>“I cannot protect-” </p><p>“Lexa, you don’t even know what’s happening. If it were actually a threat, I’m sure your guards would have said something.” </p><p>“Clarke-” </p><p>“Please.” </p><p>“Fine. Stay close. And remember-” </p><p>“I know, I know. You’re Heda, not Leksa. We’re nothing to each other.” Clarke replied sourly. </p><p>“Clarke, I cannot-” </p><p>“I know. My connection to you would put me in danger. Let’s just go, alright?” </p><p>How did it change so rapidly? Moments ago, they were about to confess their love for one another, or so Clarke thought. </p><p>But of course, the universe wouldn’t throw them a bone. </p><p>“Fine. Let’s go.” </p><hr/><p>Lexa noticed the enormity of the crowd that had gathered outside of the throne room, held back by a troop of tower guards, dutifully keeping the doors closed, the contents of the room away from prying eyes. </p><p>The candles were burning, the room dimly lit in a glow that was usually nonexistent at this hour. </p><p>Lexa strode in from a different entrance than Clarke, as if to rub some salt in the wound that she hadn’t intended on creating. </p><p>Hushed whispers filled the room, indecipherable, the trigedasleng far too rapid for Clarke to parse. </p><p>“Heda.” Titus emerged from where he was consulting a guard, who told him his account of the story. </p><p>“Titus.” Lexa murmured, intentionally keeping her voice low as he came to the side of her throne, motioning for her to sit. Lexa’s eyes caught Clarke, leaning by the side entrance, clearly not wanting to intrude. Her heart constricted for a moment, as she swallowed her feelings once more. </p><p>
  <em> Not now.  </em>
</p><p>“Heda, please brace yourself.” Titus cautioned. “It would be unwise to go into shock in front of your people. They’ve gathered to see your reaction specifically.” </p><p>“To what?” Lexa demanded. She tried to imagine the worst case scenario, but came up empty. War? That was nothing new. Massacres? From whom? Clarke was safe with her, so it couldn’t have been anything like that. Lexa’s mind was racing in tandem with her heart. </p><p>“King Roan of Azgeda has returned.” Titus began lowly. </p><p>“As expected.” Lexa pointed out dryly. </p><p>“Yes, Heda, but with him he brings someone that he claims to have found as...As an Azgeda prisoner.” </p><p>Lexa paled. </p><p>She knew. </p><p>In that moment, she <em> knew.  </em></p><p>“But-” </p><p>“Heda-” </p><p>“The...the head…” </p><p>“School your expression.” </p><p>“The head I was sent-” </p><p>“Butchered beyond recognition. Now we know that was done on purpose. She was held for leverage, and freed by Roan, after you displaced Nia.” </p><p>“All...all this time?” </p><p>“She was held off of Azgeda grounds.” Titus explained. “Roan encountered her whilst taking shelter from a storm on his way, with his guards. They brought her, Heda.” </p><p>“She’s here?” Lexa shot out of her seat like a bolt, and Clarke glanced over, alarmed. </p><p>“Yes.” Titus murmured. “Just...through the…” </p><p>“Send her in.” </p><p>“Heda-” </p><p>“Send. Her. In.” Lexa gritted. </p><p>“And the guards?” </p><p>“Out.” Lexa growled. “Everyone.” </p><p>The gasps were suppressed by most, as they decided to heed her orders. Clarke felt defiant in that moment, lingering back but not quite leaving, curious to see if Lexa would command her like everyone else. </p><p>It seemed that Lexa didn’t remember her at all. </p><p>“Heda.” Titus sounded exasperated. “I advise <em> extreme </em> caution. You do not know her, or what happened to her, for the past <em> years. </em>She may not be who you remember, she may be turned, this may be Roan’s way of using-” </p><p>“Daun ste pleni!” Lexa roared, taking a step into Titus’ face. “Or did I not make myself clear when I said to clear the room?” </p><p>Titus bowed his head, slipping out silently, making sure to give the order to send her in as he did so, the room falling absolutely silent. </p><p>Lexa took a shuddering breath, smoothing her hair, her hands balled into fists at her side. </p><p>Clarke couldn’t hear, she had no realization of what was to come. She remained silently waiting, thankful for the dark cover, the lack of candlelight in her corner of the throneroom. </p><p>She made no sound, no movement to speak to Lexa. She couldn’t understand how Lexa could’ve forgotten her so quickly, but she wagered that whatever was happening was important. </p><p>She swore to remain put, hidden out of view, in case Lexa needed help. </p><p>It seemed like eternity before the doors slid open, creaking into the room. </p><p>Lexa took in a final gasp, and watched. </p><p>Clarke’s eyes fixed on the figure that entered, and then the way Lexa’s knees buckled. </p><p>The girl who entered was no older than Clarke or Lexa herself. She was wearing measly rags, given to her by Roan, likely. She had dark skin, and her curls were untamed, not properly braided as they should have been. Her eyes were glistening already, shining with something Clarke couldn’t fathom. She looked thin, and tired, and still, somehow,  <em> free. </em>Beauty oozed from the girl in her motions, she looked unbroken, nothing like a prisoner should have. </p><p>Lexa was <em> shaking, </em>and so was the girl. </p><p>Clarke <em> knew, </em>in that moment. </p><p>She felt intrusive and self-centered and so clearly out of place. </p><p>And Lexa’s words were the final nails in the coffin that was slowly encasing her heart. </p><p>“Costia.” She whispered in complete, reverent awe. </p><p>Tears already began to slide down Lexa’s cheeks, and Clarke could no longer recognize the Commander, or Heda, or any of the layers of Lexa. She only saw young and vulnerable Leksa kom Trikru. Clarke had slaved away for so long to see even glimpses of that vulnerable girl, and here, Costia had her sobbing within seconds. </p><p>“Leksa.” Costia murmured, dropping to her knees instantly.</p><p>Clarke recognized it as a show of loyalty, of devotion. </p><p>“Don’t you dare.” Lexa choked, and before she knew it, she was lifting Costia up, Costia slamming into her arms with the energy she had left. </p><p>Clarke didn’t know how long they stood there, clutching each other and sobbing. Costia buried her face in Lexa’s neck, and Lexa held her, supporting her without question. </p><p>Eventually, the sobs melted into words. </p><p>“I thought you were...I had to say goodbye. I <em> saw </em>your head-” </p><p>“Roan told me.” Costia whispered, and her voice sounded like honey. </p><p>“This...you’re here…” Lexa shook her head, tear tracks staining her cheeks. “I dreamt about this moment for years, Costia.” </p><p>“As have I.” Costia admitted, clinging to Lexa. “I always knew you would save me, Leksa. I never had a doubt. You killed Nia. You reclaimed Azgeda.” </p><p>“If I had <em> known. </em> ” Lexa sounded like she was in agony. “If I had <em> known </em> that you were alive, I’d have fought day and night, I’d have searched <em> myself-i”  </em></p><p>“Shh.” Costia soothed, leaning back. “I am here now. You did all you could, I know.” </p><p>Lexa looked stunned, shaking her head and blinking again and again, regarding Costia as if she were a mirage. </p><p>“Here.” Lexa stumbled over her words. “Here my- take my coat.” She hastened to unbutton it, shucking it off. She tenderly draped it around Costia’s shoulders, covering her from the cold of the room. </p><p>Costia let out a little laugh, and Lexa gasped softly, missing the sound. </p><p>“I cannot wear your coat.” Costia chided with tired amusement. “That is against our laws-” </p><p>Lexa wore a look of defiance. “If anyone takes issue with it, they can deal with <em> me </em>.” She growled protectively. </p><p>Costia looked unfazed. “Still stubborn as ever, I see?” She stroked Lexa’s cheek, and Lexa leaned into her touch like a kitten seeking warmth. “You haven’t changed at all, Leksa.” </p><p>Lexa shook her head, biting her lip to keep from crying. </p><p>“You must be tired.” Lexa murmured, and Costia nodded. </p><p>“We traveled from sunrise until now. I was promised a cot with the other guards-” </p><p>Lexa snorted indignantly. “I would die before that would happen. Do you still remember the way to our room?” </p><p>
  <em> Our room.  </em>
</p><p>Clarke was barely able to react at all, numb from shock. The first thing she felt, however, was sadness. She berated herself for being an idiot, for thinking that she could ever mean something to the notorious Commander Lexa, whose heart had been claimed ages ago. </p><p>“You mean the top of the tower?” Costia teased, but it came out as a tired rasp. “I do.” She turned to walk, but stumbled, and Lexa shook her head, moving to carry her. In one swift move, Lexa lifted Costia as if she were weightless, carrying her bridal style. </p><p>“Leksa!” Costia let out a surprised squeal that reverberated throughout the throne room. </p><p>“You’re weak.” Lexa murmured, eyeing Costia intensely. </p><p>“I am.” Costia admitted with a sigh. </p><p>“I...will fix everything.” Lexa promised, sincerely.</p><p>“Lexa, I-” </p><p>“Costia.” Lexa whispered. “This was my fault. If you think I won’t do anything in my power to help you…” She trailed off, as Costia leaned forward, pressing a lingering kiss to the corner of Lexa’s mouth, leaving Lexa stunned. </p><p>“I dreamt about this.” Costia whimpered. “Being in your arms again.” </p><p>And once again, Clarke was homeless. </p><hr/><p>“Please.” Costia begged once more, and Lexa sighed, expression unreadable. </p><p>Costia was tucked under the furs of Lexa’s luxurious bed, after Lexa had called her handmaidens to help bathe her, to tend to some of the remaining wounds she’d suffered. </p><p>They’d cleared out, and Costia had begged Lexa to stay, not to leave her. </p><p><em> “My guards are just outside.” </em> Lexa had told her. </p><p>“<em> And where will you be?” </em> Costia had asked with the last of her energy. </p><p>“I have...something to do.” Lexa replied uneasily. “Sleep. I will be here in the morning.” </p><p>Lexa had stayed until Costia had fallen asleep, sitting on the edge of the bed, watching her breathing slow, hundreds of memories dancing about in her mind. </p><p>She waited until Costia was deep into her slumber to rise with all the noise of a mouse, and slowly creep out by the door, slipping past it, her heart heavy. </p><p>Clarke. </p><p>She’d forgotten about Clarke. </p><p>And now, Costia was <em> alive, </em>and nothing made sense. </p><p>She had dreamed of this moment for years, and eventually, accepted it as some far off reality that she would never ever see. </p><p>She wanted nothing more than to close her eyes, to hear the reassuring voices of the previous commanders in her head, for guidance. </p><p>They only spoke on matters of the mind, and not the heart. </p><p>The heart was too fickle to be guided at all, Lexa thought. </p><p>She wasn’t foolish. She knew Clarke knew, though how much Clarke knew, she wasn’t sure. Had Clarke heard Costia’s name and left? Had Clarke caught a glimpse of them together? </p><p>And most of all, Lexa craved the end to their conversation. </p><p>She was so close to finally being sated, to finally understanding where she stood with the sky girl. </p><p>But, as always, her duty had crushed her happiness. </p><p>And now, Clarke was gone. </p><p>She turned to her guards, silently lined up outside her door, ready to report. </p><p>“Wanheda.” Lexa demanded, wearing a serious mask and an even more serious tone. “Any sightings of her since I left the throne room?” </p><p>The guards exchanged uneasy glances. </p><p>“...No, heda.” The captain of the guard spoke up, her eyes betraying her steady tone. “There were no sightings of Wanheda specifically.” </p><p>“Specifically?” Lexa demanded. </p><p>“...a horse was stolen from the stables, an hour ago. Our scouts say the tracks lead toward Tondisi, perhaps. But they leave the trail.” </p><p>“Stolen?” Lexa repeated, paling. Her heart was thumping in her chest. “Which horse?” </p><p>“I’m sorry?” The captain repeated, surprised. </p><p>“Which horse was taken?” Lexa demanded. </p><p>The captain sighed, knowing the storm to come. “...<em> Steltrona. </em>” She admitted the nickname with great hesitance. “The black mare.” </p><p>Lexa closed her eyes, trying to gather what was left of her sanity, for the moment. </p><p>“...And...heda?” </p><p>Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat, motioning for the guard to continue. </p><p>“Wanheda left without any weapons.” </p><p>Lexa’s eyes shot open, and she finally realized what he was holding. Clarke’s belt, her weapons, and her clothing, the outfit Lexa had criticized earlier. </p><p>“Would you like a retrieval party sent out?” The Captain offered. “It is unwise to venture at this hour, but by sunrise...where do you think she is going, heda?” </p><p>“Home.” Lexa replied sourly, trying to conceal the pain that threatened to consume her. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The sun burned in the sky as it rose from its slumber behind the hills, each one dotted with a myriad of trees, stretching on into the horizon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa watched the sun slowly kiss the sky, illuminating everything to an orange-cream color as dawn approached, golden and tawny. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Any word?” Lexa demanded sharply, her voice gravelly, sounding as exhausted as she was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was staring off the balcony by the throne room, her mind deep in thought, feeling bare without her coat. She didn’t need to look behind her to know it was Titus, his footsteps burned into her memory from years of training. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...No, Heda.” Titus offered apologetically. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No tracks?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She was careful.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A </span>
  <em>
    <span>skaikru </span>
  </em>
  <span>girl was careful enough to elude my most seasoned trackers?” Lexa demanded dryly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Titus held back a grimace. “All due respect, your grace, but trackers are trained to track </span>
  <em>
    <span>animals.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Not anything wise enough to cover its own tracks.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa wanted to slam her fist down at his sudden retort, but she couldn’t find the strength within her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll go myself.” Lexa was curt. “Prepare the fastest horse we have.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Titus paused. “Heda...I know you are lamenting the loss of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Steltrona-”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa whipped around fiercely. “You think this troubles me because my </span>
  <em>
    <span>horse </span>
  </em>
  <span>is gone?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Truth be told, she took some comfort in the fact that Clarke took her personal horse, knowing she was even a little safer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was a shocking betrayal, a painful theft to be sure…” Titus backtracked, voice stammering slightly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa’s brow knitted, her jaw tightened, she held back a snarl. “Do </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>play coy with me, Titus. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>you aren’t nearly as </span>
  <em>
    <span>idiotic </span>
  </em>
  <span>as you present yourself to be.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Titus pushed his lips into a grim line, clearly displeased at the scorn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will go after her myself.” Lexa snapped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>cannot</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Titus stressed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You would challenge my word?” Lexa growled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You cannot leave your people, your seat, your </span>
  <em>
    <span>empire </span>
  </em>
  <span>in a time like this.” Titus insisted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We are at peace-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Peace is a delusion of the weak, and the powerless.” Titus snapped. “You’d do well to remember your teachings, Leksa, and not following some </span>
  <em>
    <span>splita</span>
  </em>
  <span> out into the trees!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in deeply. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was right. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She knew he was right, and it killed him, because Clarke had left with next to nothing, not even her own gun. She’d left, and she hadn’t even said goodbye. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Lexa was beginning to think she knew why. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa hadn’t paid her any mind at all, the evening before. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Costia’s presence had shell-shocked her. She reverted to the girl she was years prior, going so far as to carry Costia up to her bed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Their bed.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Right before she was going to admit her love, for Clarke. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To tell her that she consumed all of her thoughts, to tell her that holding Clarke at nights was one of the only things that brought her any amount of joy, of safety, of peace. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She remembered Clarke being on the cusp of saying something, and Lexa positively </span>
  <em>
    <span>ached </span>
  </em>
  <span>to know what it could have been. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d thought- no, she’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>wished, </span>
  </em>
  <span>hopefully, that it was a confession similar to hers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, she had her doubts. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What if Clarke never felt the same? Had she been foolish enough to simply fall for the Sky Girl's deep gaze, her promises of peace and civility that they could bring to their people together? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe Clarke was simply a good leader, an ally, and nothing more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa couldn’t tell if she was lying to herself to ease the pain, or if she’d been deluding herself all along. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Titus sighed, and then steeled himself before speaking his next words. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You should...rejoice.” He admitted, the words thick on his tongue. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rejoice?” Lexa whispered, eyes falling to the shadows cast out by the newborn day, the sun climbing high with every minute that elapsed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Costia is once again at your side.” Titus reminded. “A feat you thought impossible.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa looked stoney, unmoving, unfeeling, unthinking. “You tore me apart, Titus.” Her voice was equally as cold. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you not remember your teachings?” Lexa spat back, mocking his earlier statement. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Heda, I-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Before </span>
  </em>
  <span>Costia...left, you would tell me, day and night, that it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>improper </span>
  </em>
  <span>for me to have feelings of any kind!” Lexa roared now, the vein in her throat prominent as she spat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was protecting you.” Titus leveled with her, trying to get through. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Protecting me?” Lexa laughed coldly, humorlessly. “Why is it then, when I saw...what I thought was her </span>
  <em>
    <span>head, </span>
  </em>
  <span>desecrated and </span>
  <em>
    <span>butchered, </span>
  </em>
  <span>on the pillow of my own bed, the bed we shared….You told me it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>inevitable. </span>
  </em>
  <span>You told me love was weakness.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is!” Titus sighed in exasperation. “Look at you now, Heda. Shaking, belligerent, sleepless. And for what? For whom?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Enough!” Lexa roared. “You are out of line, Titus! Another word, and I swear, your head will join the ranks of those who stand in my way, on a </span>
  <em>
    <span>pike </span>
  </em>
  <span>outside the wall!” Lexa spoke through gritted teeth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shaking, she slowly stepped back, her hands resting in balled up fists by her side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go.” Lexa whispered, shaking her head. She didn’t look up. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>said-”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Heda.” A handmaiden stood in the doorway to the balcony, where Titus had been. She looked terrified, small and fearful of Lexa’s tone, of her bared teeth. “A….Apologies, but...Costia has risen.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa’s eyes widened. She folded her hands behind her back, gesturing for the handmaiden to lead the way up to the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We need to tend to her wounds. Call for the best healer we have in Polis.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right away.” The handmaiden nodded, and then stopped dead in her tracks, Lexa almost bumping into her. “Heda?” She dipped her head submissively. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa looked questioning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Even our best healers cannot...perform the miracle feats that I have seen </span>
  <em>
    <span>Abby</span>
  </em>
  <span> kom Skaikru manage. And she is here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa looked like she’d been socked in the gut. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very well.” She whispered. “Send for her at once.” </span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>By the time Lexa came into her own quarters, morning light had flooded the room golden, illuminating nearly everything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Costia was sat up beneath the furs, in the thin night dress Lexa had given to her. She looked a little dazed, as if she needed to gather her bearings. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a moment, she looked lost, until her eyes landed on Lexa’s, and she smiled brightly, Lexa’s heart aching in her chest at the sight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gods, what a mess. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leksa.” Costia greeted softly, her smile never fading. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Until she saw the tired look in Lexa’s eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t come to bed.” She acknowledged curiously. “Is everything alright? Is it Roan?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Everything is fine.” Lexa lied softly, nodding slowly. “Did you sleep well?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I haven’t had a proper sleep in ages.” Costia replied, and Lexa’s heart felt another ache threatening to overtake her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Lexa whispered numbly, and Costia shook her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leksa.” Costia murmured. “I did not come back to haunt you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa looked surprised, her eyes widening, but before she could say anything, footsteps sounded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Both Costia and Lexa glanced up at Abby, who’d entered the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Costia’s eyes widened at the sight of her in her clearly foreign attire, and blinked rapidly, scrunching up her nose. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa held back an amused chuckle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Costia’s eyes sparkled as she whispered, “So the whispers are true?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa nodded, sitting beside Costia. “Roan didn’t tell you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Costia nodded slowly. “He mentioned the..</span>
  <em>
    <span>.Skaikru…</span>
  </em>
  <span>but I could not possibly imagine.” She let out a miserable huff of air. “I’ve been locked away for so long, I had never seen one...until now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa sighed, and instinctively, she reached for Costia’s leg, stroking it soothingly, as if to say, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m so sorry. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Skaikru came from...the sky.” Lexa felt stupid at her lame attempt to explain. “They were held in...a sort of ship. Descendents of those who fled during the Great War.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Costia’s eyes widened. “I hear that they have killed many.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Abby stood in the doorway, privy to their talks, wisely keeping her mouth shut. She looked like she hadn’t slept either, and Lexa knew they shared a common fear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I invited them into my coalition.” Lexa explained. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At the word “coalition”, Costia wore a grin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You did it.” She whispered, leaning forward, cupping Lexa’s cheek. “I knew you would, Leksa. You were different than any other Commander. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>they would see reason eventually…” Costia sounded breathless, eyeing Lexa’s lips. “You were so </span>
  <em>
    <span>passionate, </span>
  </em>
  <span>I remember-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ahem.” Abby cleared her throat, and the two broke apart, Lexa looking as if she wanted to die, to be removed from that moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Abby.” Lexa stood, turning to face her. “This is Costia.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Abby nodded, motioning to the bag of supplies she clutched. “May I?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa turned to Costia. “Costia.” She spoke firmly in trigedasleng, Abby’s eyes narrowing a little at the unfamiliar language. “This is Skaikru’s healer. I know her...daughter. She is an ally. Their healing techniques are far better than any of the clans. I invited her here to tend to your...wounds. She might ask you questions, it is important that you answer honestly.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Costia nodded, looking hesitant when she saw Abby brandish a stethoscope. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stay.” Costia whispered timidly, in trigedasleng, and Lexa nodded sympathetically. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m here.” Lexa assured, watching as Abby settled in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Doctor.” Lexa greeted, the word feeling cumbersome in her mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Commander.” Abby nodded, moving to sit on the chair Lexa had pulled beside the bed. “What’s the purpose of this?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa drew in a breath. “This is Costia, my...an ally, and a close friend.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why wasn’t she sent to the healer’s tent?” Abby pressed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa’s jaw locked. “She is traumatized.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah.” Abby nodded, reaching for her gloves. “Do you know who else is traumatized?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa blinked, allowing her to finish. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Clarke.” Abby spoke the name clearly, tinted with anger, and Lexa nearly recoiled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She remained silent, watching as Costia noted the name, her eyes squinting in confusion at Lexa’s reaction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m assuming you don’t know where she is?” Abby asked, as she prompted Costia to sit up, so she could check her breathing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My scouts say her trail ran cold.” Lexa replied, without emotion. “She is likely covering her own tracks, with the intention of not being followed. I will respect her wishes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Abby laughed heartlessly, shaking her head. “And if she isn’t?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Isn’t what?” Lexa demanded, a bit irritated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What if she was taken?” Abby prodded. “I heard her weapons, her </span>
  <em>
    <span>clothing, </span>
  </em>
  <span>everything is here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa blinked, swallowing the lump in her throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clarke, out there, hiding in some cold, damp cell like Costia...it made her heart crumble and die in the confines of her chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Clarke is smart. Resourceful. She left of her own volition.” Lexa reasoned, taking a breath to calm herself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Abby pressed. “She never told anyone? Now, during a time of peace? While I was visiting Polis?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Those answers are Clarke’s, and Clarke’s alone.” Lexa replied stiffly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think you understand.” Abby paused, rising from her seat, turning to face Lexa. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Costia’s eyes widened at the exchange, and she gripped the sheets in terror on Lexa’s behalf. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Abby took a step forward into Lexa’s personal space. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>both </span>
  </em>
  <span>know why she’s gone.” Abby whispered menacingly. “I...It was my fault, partially, for not protecting her.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Protecting her from what?” Lexa demanded, her voice just as low, as fierce. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“From you.” Abby explained as if it were obvious. “She...she was drawn to you. She had </span>
  <em>
    <span>feelings </span>
  </em>
  <span>for you, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Commander.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She was naive to think that you’d feel the same.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa bit her lip, amazed to feel tears threatening to sting in her eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I did. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I do. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead, what came out was, “Mind your place, Doctor.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a warning, that she was not to be trifled with, and certainly not to be spoken to about such </span>
  <em>
    <span>trivial </span>
  </em>
  <span>affairs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Clarke was broken.” Abby warned. “She was broken, and I let this go on, because I thought...naively, I thought some good could come from it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it you want from me, Doctor?” Lexa’s voice was barely above a whisper. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want you to make your intentions clear, Commander.” Abby replied, turning back towards Costia. “I want you to realize my daughter isn’t some </span>
  <em>
    <span>plaything </span>
  </em>
  <span>for your amusement.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa was appalled. “I-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Abby was already moving on to Costia. “Hi.” She offered politely, and Costia made a confused face at the </span>
  <em>
    <span>gonasleng </span>
  </em>
  <span>before trying to remember her lessons, in an effort to respond.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>The rabbit was grazing, eyes darting left, right, left again. It would lower its head and continue to nibble on some plant that Clarke couldn’t recognize. Truth be told, it reminded her a bit of herself. It was something about the paranoia, the inability to sit still, the feeling that she was being hunted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The inability to take a breath, to let loose the tension that grounded her shoulders back, to </span>
  <em>
    <span>move on.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But this was the worst way one could be hunted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mentally, emotionally. When she glanced back, there was no feral hunter chasing her down. There was no panther or pauna stalking her in the thicket, watching her every move. When she closed her eyes, it wasn’t even something violent that she’d imagine.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lexa.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was warm green eyes, full lips drawn into a smile, a smile that she </span>
  <em>
    <span>thought </span>
  </em>
  <span>was reserved for her, and her alone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was Lexa, it was home, and that was more terrifying than any apex predator Clarke could imagine.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thoughts of Lexa haunted Clarke, ever since she’d fled Polis in such a hurry, utilizing the shock of Costia’s survival to steal </span>
  <em>
    <span>Steltrona, </span>
  </em>
  <span>the horse grazing loyally at the foot of the tree she was perched in, some twenty feet above the unsuspecting rabbit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A little over a week.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nine days, indicated by the notches she made on Steltrona’s reins, her only surefire method of keeping time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nine days, since she’d taken off without a word. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nine days since she’d felt Lexa’s arms wrap around her, pulling her closer under the furs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wondered if Lexa missed her, if she’d noticed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Surely she had- they were </span>
  <em>
    <span>something. </span>
  </em>
  <span>They shared a bed every night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A bed that was now occupied by someone else. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clarke quickly shook all thoughts, hoping not to cry again, because she knew it would likely give her position away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was a little amazed at her ability to survive, a relentless willpower that took hold of her, shaking her from her roots as nothing more than a </span>
  <em>
    <span>sky girl. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She despised the name, and in some way, she despised herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hated the fact that she ran.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jealousy? No. She didn’t resent the poor girl who’d turned up at Lexa’s boots, bruised and battered in the name of their love, never once spilling Lexa’s secrets, always holding her dear at the forefront of her mind, for </span>
  <em>
    <span>years.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clarke could never hate her, never hold her in contempt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was protecting </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lexa.</span>
  </em>
  <span> And for that, she already deserved the world.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>heartbreak</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Clarke had recognized, somewhere down the line, when she’d been weaving in and out of the foliage, avoiding Lexa’s scouts, avoiding cities, camps, anything that would tip the mighty Heda off to her location.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was heartbreak, and Clarke knew, because she’d seen the symptoms before, albeit in some different, twisted sort of way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d heard stories about her mother and Marcus Kane, back on the Ark.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She knew that her mother and father weren’t yet official, at the time, and that her mother was known as the beauty of the Ark. She was just blossoming into an adult, headstrong and stubborn as ever, under the guidance of the previous doctor, who’d passed away while Clarke was a child.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For so long, Abby and Kane were friends. Always bound to their duty, first, and their friendship, second.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The words reminded Clarke of her relationship to a certain Commander.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Abby had told Clarke that she was seriously considering a relationship with Marcus, having grown fond of him, assured that he’d be in the same social class. He made her feel confident, her made her smile, and more than that- he offered stability. Their compatibility was unmatched.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was unfortunate, for Kane, that Abby then had the task of checking in with a trainee from the engineering station, who’d suffered a nasty fall, trying (allegedly) to fix something in a particularly vulnerable spot in the ventilation ducts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His name was Jake Griffin, and he was everything that Marcus Kane couldn’t be.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was as smart and talented, no doubt, but Jake brought something to the table that Marcus could not.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>different.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hadn’t been hardened by his time on the Ark, where any given day (if you could consider anything “daytime” in space, anyway), </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone </span>
  </em>
  <span>could be floated for a minor offense. His eyes were kind, Clarke remembered, but her mother made a point of telling her anyway, maybe to illustrate, maybe just for the sake of remembering.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>bright, </span>
  </em>
  <span>where Kane was a pragmatist, at best. He spent his time making jokes, telling Abby that there wasn’t a point to living if she didn’t have a hearty laugh at least once a day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He took Abby </span>
  <em>
    <span>away </span>
  </em>
  <span>from the horrors of the Ark with whimsical scenarios and stories, of tales of his future children roaming the Earth (little did he know that he would share this dream with Abby). He showed her the </span>
  <em>
    <span>peaceful </span>
  </em>
  <span>side to living on the Ark, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>hope. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was no wonder that Abby fell so madly in love with him, that she’d completely forgotten about Kane at all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clarke always thought her father was the hero of that story. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not because he’d ruined Kane’s chance at love, but he’d shown Abby a life that she didn’t think she could have. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Slowly, now, Clarke was learning that maybe her father wasn’t at all what she’d thought him up to be. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She always thought she was just like him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She felt more like Kane. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Forgotten, something to take up the time in a cruel, unforgiving environment, passed up at the very first opportunity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was the sound of something whistling through the air, and then a small spatter of blood that stained the trunk of the tree, that made Clarke jolt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She looked down in horror, watching as someone else’s arrow sank into the kill she’d been stalking for hours. (Admittedly, she was still new to hunting, though Lexa’s teaching weren’t for naught). </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She paused, momentarily, watching as footsteps approached. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then, shouts. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shouts that Clarke couldn’t quite make out, the accent far too thick for her understanding, but she could still parse occasional word. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Horse. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They, whoever they were, had seen Steltrona, and were approaching. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clarke’s heart sank. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was Lexa’s favorite horse. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She could just </span>
  <em>
    <span>hear </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lexa’s voice, stern and demanding in her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t you dare save the horse, Clarke. Hide. You are not equipped to defend yourself. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not here.” Clarke mumbled, praying desperately that this would work, and Steltrona wouldn’t buck her off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clarke’s leap was more of a fall, barely coordinated but enough to get her right onto the saddle, with a jolt and pain shooting up her thighs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everything moved as if time were in slow motion, as Clarke yanked Steltrona’s saddles, only spooking the poor horse further as she reared, Clarke holding on for dear life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go!” She pleaded, desperately, and the horse took off, blazing a trail through the thick trees. Clarke heard a number of shouts behind her, and she only dared to turn her head once she was sure that the horse wouldn’t run headfirst into a tree. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The wind whipped against her at the speed they were going, and she barely managed to turn, her eyes stinging at the sudden dryness. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She got her first good look at the people, surprised to find that they hadn’t chased her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She squinted at them, trying to make out their clothing, to ingrain the image into her mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clarke had never seen something so horrific in all her life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They looked terrifying. They wore furs that resembled those of the Azgeda warriors, but they weren’t white, or blue, or any of the colors Clarke had come to typically associate with the Ice nation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No, they were red, dark and stained. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Bloodstained, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Clarke realized with a jolt. They were bloodstained. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The </span>
  <em>
    <span>group </span>
  </em>
  <span>she’d thought she’d seen was no group. It was a battalion, at the very least. She realized that, in her depressed haze, she’d likely missed the noises, and those were simply the first scouts that she’d seen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, as she looked back on the horizon, she’d noticed their ranks growing and growing. Some on horse, some on foot, wearing savage looking necklaces with white bones, or rock strung along them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then, Clarke had another realization. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Teeth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clarke tried to estimate how many she’d seen, and guessed that it was well over one hundred, at the very least. They held spears, sickles, weapons Clarke was unfamiliar with, for the most part. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>These were no Azgeda warriors. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa had spies in the Ice Nation, to ensure that they were following her command, and the laws of the coalition, since Nia had been killed and replaced by Roan. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Roan. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clarke’s eyes widened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Did he know? Was he plotting against Lexa, after all she’d done for him? Was Costia somehow involved? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her mind snapped to a conclusion, sharpened by her time in the game of war and politics here on Earth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This wasn’t their doing, but it was because of them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roan had mentioned finding Costia in a stronghold, near the edge of Azgeda’s territory. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A stronghold separate from the Ice Nation itself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Governed by rebels, still loyal to Nia’s cause of supremacy, and barbaric tradition. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With one final glance, Clarke caught sight of someone she hadn’t thought to see. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A girl, with Raven colored hair, white warpaint on her face, covering puckered scars that told a story Clarke didn’t want to be reminded of. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ontari. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roan had mentioned that his sister had skulked off, unusually quiet after Lexa had defeated Roan in combat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d attributed it to her anger at having lost her own mother, but Clarke realized now, what she’d been doing in the shadows, while the rest of the world assimilated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steltrona was faithfully galloping, Ontari becoming a figure in the distance behind her. Clarke turned her head forward, with a sinking feeling in her gut. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was lost. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Utterly, terribly lost. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With knowledge of a secret attack coming for Lexa. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Lexa.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clarke couldn’t stop imagining her, finally happy, blissfully in love, just to have it all ripped away in what was no doubt a massacre that Ontari was planning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She wouldn’t let that happen. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>For once, she could protect Lexa. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just as she moved to steer her horse to the right, trying desperately to recall if it was the correct way to Polis, she felt a sharp pain in her side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Screaming, Clarke glanced down, just in time to see the tip of an arrow graze her side, coming with so much momentum that it cut clean past her clothes, already staining with crimson blood. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The arrow head dug itself into the ground as Steltrona galloped past it, but not without Clarke getting a look first. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was unlike anything she’d seen before. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was black, clearly made from a thin sheet of rock, and bound with leather.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The tip was what caught Clarke’s eye, glistening like a gem with the sunlight pouring through the cracks of the cover provided by the canopy of trees. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why did it glisten? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clarke’s hand shot to her side, while the other held the reins for dear life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She chanced one last glance behind her, sighing in miserable relief to see that she’d rode far ahead of them, pushing them out of sight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hoped and prayed that she was on the right path, cursing herself for knowing she was at least a full day and night’s ride away from Polis. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Still, she thanked every deity she knew of that she hadn’t ridden out all nine days of her absence, knowing that if she had, there’d be no way to warn Lexa of the attack. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She grimaced with every bump, every slight rise and fall of the saddle as she rode, her side feeling raw and pressing into her clothing already, making for an even more painful experience. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She felt her head began to throb, and slowly, it melted into her whole body. Her eyelids felt heavy, as she leaned further on Steltrona’s neck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes were closing, and all she could think about was Lexa’s voice, in her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Klark. Keep your eyes open. Stay with me, Klark. Fight it. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clarke couldn’t hear her anymore, and slowly, she went limp in her seat. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Leksa</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Costia’s voice was gentle, rousing Lexa from her thoughts, as she’d been poring over maps in the war room, secretly marking every location her scouts had been to, checking them off one by one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Today marked the tenth day since Clarke had left, hastening off with no supply or plan. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ten days in which Lexa had buried herself in her work, mostly having to do with training the newest additions to Polis’ dynasty of warriors. She spent her time planning the reconstruction of the Ark, along with Marcus Kane, who’d been nothing but diplomatic, and progressive. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And everything she did reminded her of Clarke. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d thoroughly managed to avoid Costia, under the guise of “being incredibly busy” but also, Abby confined Costia to a week of bedrest and nutritional supplements (far beyond Lexa’s capacity to understand), as well as counseling with the Trikru healer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was told that Costia had endured mental and physical deprivation, and it was vital that she take proper precautions to ensure that she returned to full mental and physical health. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The week had passed, and Lexa had used that excuse to stay away from her own quarters as well, an issue that she knew she needed to face at some point. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wasn’t sure why she was avoiding Costia, and she dared not dwell on the subject, because she wasn’t sure where she’d land, once she thought it through. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Costia was doubtlessly Lexa’s first love. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her only love, until recently. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Costia freed her soul from the dull ache of being Commander. Costia made her feel like </span>
  <em>
    <span>Leksa, </span>
  </em>
  <span>the girl from the village just outside Polis, and not Heda, the woman responsible for the lives of thousands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>When Lexa was a young girl, training with Anya, in the clearing designated for the natblidas. She couldn’t remember any further, all memories of her mother, her father, any family that she might have had, erased by time, by teaching, by duty. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Anya was the closest she had, and though her demeanor was strict, she offered Lexa the smallest creature comforts that she could: a hug, when no one was looking, or wiping her tears, when her bruises amassed, and she longed to be elsewhere. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Training was inhumane, particularly for the natblidas, the so called future of the clans. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>They were taught savagery with discipline, hatred tempered with wisdom, all sorts of paradoxes that were far too difficult for any mind to wrap around, let alone the tender and inexperienced mind of a child. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And really, that was what they were. Children. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Lexa remembered the first time she’d seen Costia. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Costia was two years older, and as such, had grown into herself earlier than Lexa. She was assigned to bring pails of water to the training warriors, the natblidas among them. She was unlike anyone Lexa had ever seen. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She smiled, despite the tales of war, of rebellion from Azgeda, and the other clans that sat on the fringe. Despite war, despite famine, despite anything that threatened to ravage the people on any given day, Costia smiled.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And oh, what a smile it was. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Lexa was lanky, before her muscles set in. Her hair, cascading down her shoulders, wild and free. She trained with a stick, barely fit for a Commander. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Anya was sparring with her, teaching her to focus on her footwork, to never take her eyes off her second. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Lexa did, and though she was whacked behind the knees, sending her tripping into the dirt, punishment for not paying full attention, she was rewarded with a soft giggle. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It wasn’t too long after these daily smile exchanges that Lexa formally met Costia, on a rare day without training, when Anya was called to a summit, for advice. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Lexa yearned to know more about the girl, and they became fast friends. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And then of course, the training intensified. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Lexa was becoming the talk of Polis, one of the most gifted warriors, Anya’s pride and joy. She would accompany Anya to border skirmishes, great hunts, and she was decorated. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>In those years, Lexa grew to fall in love with Costia, protecting her, finding solace in her light, sharing feelings with her that she didn’t think possible. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Soft kisses exchanged under the moonlight, sneaking out of her quarters at midnight to the lake. She couldn’t understand why her heart throbbed the way it did, whenever she saw Costia, whenever she smiled, or spoke words like slowly dripping honey. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Lexa and Costia shared their first night together when Lexa was sixteen, making timid and yet sweet love under the stars. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Lexa had pointed to one in particular, bright and reflective, telling Costia that it was their star, guiding them, watching over them. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Costia expressed great fear for Lexa’s life, and Lexa told her to stay strong, to remember that Lexa would love her for all of eternity, and whenever she felt cold, and lonely- to wish upon their star for Lexa’s safe return. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Their star soon fell out of the sky, bright and blazing, landing in the forested clearing across Mount Weather. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leksa.” Costia spoke again, leaning her head gently on Lexa’s shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa blinked. “You’re well enough to be walking?” She asked softly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am.” Costia replied mirthfully. “It seems I have to walk a great distance to be in your company.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa looked apologetic, caught in her evasion. “Costia, I-” She swallowed the lump in her throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Costia paused, seeming to understand her hesitation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leksa?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you care to...show me the grounds? It’s been moons since I’ve been here...I’d like to see the results of your reign.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa smiled sadly, trying not to inhale Costia’s scent of rose and cleanliness. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was unstained by blood, by dirt, by all the things a warrior was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was pure, in heart, in intention, in existence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course.” Lexa replied, motioning for the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not busy in here?” Costia doubled back. “I can return later, if-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Lexa bit her lip. “There’s...nothing more I can do in here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Costia nodded, moving to turn, stumbling slightly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa steadied her, catching her arm, murmuring, “Easy. You’re still sore.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Costia nodded bashfully, blush rising to her cheek at Lexa’s touch. </span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>“This is amazing.” Costia breathed, as they made their way past the market stalls, into the clearing where warriors were practicing, the familiar clang of dull metal swords cracking against each other. “Anya would be proud.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa dipped her head gratefully. “It took the work of many, to get this far.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Guided by your efforts.” Costia promised. “I always knew you had a vision, Leksa. No one else wanted peace like you did.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Clarke, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lexa’s mind called. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She brought you to this place. Clarke rallied for peace, for love, she taught you. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We met here.” Costia spoke softly, the words caressing her lips before filling the late afternoon air. “Do you remember?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.” Lexa allowed herself an amused smile. “I was...unimpressive, to say the least.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was impressed.” Costia reminded softly. “I didn’t know you’d grow to be….</span>
  <em>
    <span>this…”</span>
  </em>
  <span> She motioned to Lexa’s physique and stature, and Lexa blushed. “But I liked you from the start. You were always gentle, Lexa.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa sighed. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be, but…” She trailed off, eyes boring into the horizon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What troubles you?” Costia whispered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing.” Lexa lied. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leksa…” Costia turned, cupping her cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her touch burned, and Lexa couldn’t understand why. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I always imagined my return. I thought it impossible, but I...I wished. On our star. Every night.” Costia spoke, and tears pricked Lexa’s eyes. “I told myself that one day, I would find you again. But...I’m not sure that I’ve found you.” Costia murmured. “Where are you, Leksa?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa’s heart ached. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of course she’d expect Lexa to take her in her arms, to kiss the tears away, to hold her and protect her fiercely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa had dreamed of it too, sometimes crying into the furs of her bed in the evenings, pretending Costia was beside her again, bare and blissed from their raw love. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa moved to answer, to apologize, to </span>
  <em>
    <span>decide- </span>
  </em>
  <span>but she never got the chance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was instead surprised to find galloping, a horse coming full speed from behind, from the sounds of it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shouts echoed, and Lexa’s heart </span>
  <em>
    <span>lurched. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clarke? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She turned, unsheathing her sword as a reactionary measure, only to find one of her scouts riding in, looking terrified. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Heda!” He called, breathless, his horse slowing to a canter, and finally a dusty stop by Lexa’s position. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What news?” Lexa demanded, her heart thudding in her chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Where was Clarke? Why wasn’t she with him? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A trail of blood.” He answered, breathless. “Towards Polis. It came from the East. I did not follow all the way. The horse shoes are Steltrona’s.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lexa’s eyes widened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They are erratic. Whoever was riding was losing control.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Clarke.” Lexa whispered, and Costia looked perplexed at the name once more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Should I send a party?” The scout looked worried, reading Lexa’s expression. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ready a party. Three. The fastest horses. And send for my armor!” Lexa snapped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Heda.” He dipped his head, and spurred his horse on in the other direction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have to go.” Lexa muttered, eyeing the warriors, looking for Indra. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go?” Costia looked terrified. “Leksa, what’s-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I cannot explain.” Lexa replied, mind busy. “She needs me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She?” Costia echoed, but Lexa was already off, signaling to her warriors, preparing for the worst. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Heda.” Indra’s voice was quiet, among the breeze, the cawing of the stark black birds overheard in the trees, a bad omen in Trikru culture. “You are breaking formation.” </p><p>Lexa rode at the head of the arrowhead shaped formation she’d formed with her group, consisting of two scouts, a handful of her finest warriors, and Indra, there to guide, and to protect. </p><p>Lexa barely shot her a look of disdain over her shoulder, steering her horse through the trail in the thick of the trees, blood leading them just East off the main trail, sloppily uncovered horseshoe prints as well. </p><p>“These are fresh, Heda.” Her best scout murmured, her voice seemingly timid at the prospect of interrupting Lexa at such a time. </p><p>Lexa gave a single, curt nod, spurring her horse on faster, becoming a blur between the trees. Indra followed almost as quickly, her hand uneasily sitting on the hilt of her sword. </p><p>She prayed that Lexa was fully alert, aware that Clarke <em> may </em>not have been bleeding for simply no reason. </p><p>Granted, the <em> Skai </em> girl’s foolishness, her inexperience with the forest and its elements: that was also a highly plausible explanation for the <em> jus, </em>staining the Earth beneath their feet. </p><p>“I want everyone ready.” Indra commanded to the group, Lexa already far ahead. “Form a circle, tight, eyes open. We may not be alone.” </p><p>Her warriors grunted their agreement, and the galloped after Lexa as best they could manage, dodging branches, eyes darting back and forth, almost nervously. </p><p>Lexa’s own head was pounding in time with her heart. </p><p>
  <em> Clarke.  </em>
</p><p>Her <em> niron, </em> her <em> Skaigirl, </em>hurt, alone, injured. </p><p>Away from Lexa’s protective reach, where her blade couldn’t defend her, and her arms couldn’t hold her. </p><p>And she’d <em> missed </em>holding Clarke. </p><p>She missed much about Clarke. </p><p>She missed Clarke pacing alongside her down the halls of Polis’ tower. </p><p>She missed Clarke’s amusing expressions, her frustrated sighs, during their many meetings. </p><p>She missed Clarke’s look, waiting for the room to empty, before walking over to Lexa, <em> daring </em>to get inside Heda’s space. </p><p>She missed the mischievous look in her eyes as she’d whisper, “I don’t want to talk to <em> Heda.”  </em></p><p>She missed Clarke’s full lips, pliant and soft, inviting and warm. </p><p>She missed Clarke’s breathy inhale, the soft sound she came to love. </p><p>She missed the way Clarke would drape her arms around Lexa’s neck and whisper, “I want to be with <em> Leksa </em>right now.” </p><p>She was the only person who would even acknowledge <em> Leksa’s </em>existence. Everyone else only saw Heda. </p><p><em> “Besides Costia” </em>Her mind reminded sharply, and she felt a sting in her gut. </p><p>Gods, Costia. </p><p>She’d forgotten about Costia, just as she’d forgotten about Clarke when Costia first came back. </p><p>What was wrong with her? What kind of monster was she? How barren and empty was her soul, that she felt the need to push and pull the people closest to her? </p><p>Thoughts raced in Lexa’s mind, but she pushed them down. </p><p>She could repent later, she could undo the damage to herself. </p><p>But Clarke? </p><p>Clarke needed her now, and there was nothing, <em> nothing </em>that would stop Lexa from saving her. </p><p>She prayed it wasn’t too late. </p><p>The trail was fresh, thickened in crimson stains on the forest floor until Lexa could follow it no more, for something else had caught her attention. </p><p>
  <em> Steltrona. </em>
</p><p>The horse was just ahead, paused beside the thick trunk of a tree. From beneath Steltrona’s shadow, Lexa could make out boots. </p><p>
  <em> Clarke.  </em>
</p><p>Lexa practically leapt off her own horse, with reckless abandon, fearing what she might find. She could hear Indra’s orders behind her, telling her people to form a defensive wall of sorts, to ensure Lexa could operate uninterrupted. </p><p>Gods, she should’ve brought Abby. </p><p>The blood, it shocked her. </p><p>Not that Lexa was a stranger to blood, to corpses, to her own people, slaughtered and lifeless. But this was <em> Klark.  </em></p><p>“Indra. Take her reins.” Lexa demanded breathlessly. As Indra took the horse’s reins, the view became clear. </p><p>Clarke was slumped against the trunk, heaving, clutching at her side. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her chest rising and falling, crimson blood <em> everywhere. </em>Her clothes, her hands, Steltrona’s saddle. </p><p>Everything was stained with evidence of Clarke’s injury, whatever it was. </p><p>Clarke did not register Lexa’s presence at all. </p><p>That worried Lexa, more than anything. </p><p>Lexa was by her side in an instant, whispering, “Klark” so vulnerably, so softly. She bit her lip to hold back an obvious sob, because the Commander could not <em> cry </em>at such a sight. And yet Lexa wanted to wail because this was her fault, and that was her Skai Girl, barely breathing. </p><p>“Clarke.” Lexa spoke out, voice trembling, hands shaking, her heart thumping with terror at white the blood implied. </p><p>At first, Clarke didn’t respond, her eyes locked on her own wound. Slowly, she managed to get her eyes upwards, and <em> gods, </em> the way they <em> lit up, </em>though her expression could not match. They recognized Lexa’s virid, forested gaze instantly, and they longed to connect with her once more. </p><p>“Oh, <em> no.” </em>Lexa whispered and her heart sank. </p><p>Was she too late? </p><p>“H...hey.” Clarke managed, when she finally opened her mouth, surprised to find her own voice sounding dry, crackling. </p><p>“Water!” Lexa all but roared, scaring the ravens away from the nearest tree branch. </p><p>She didn’t remember who handed it to her, her mind was too numb. </p><p>“Drink.” Lexa pleaded, voice shaking, unmistakable terror that she tried so desperately to hide. “Please, <em> Klark.” </em>She brought the skin to Clarke’s lips, tilting her head upwards, watching the small, almost pitiful stream of water trickle down Clarke’s dry mouth. </p><p>Lexa’s heart ached. </p><p>“What happened?” She whispered, her fingers slowly peeling at Clarke’s jacket. “Where are you hurt?” </p><p>Lexa’s voice was both sullen and intense all at once, relentlessly gripping onto the idea that Clarke <em> would </em> make it, she <em> would </em>survive. </p><p>Slowly, Clarke’s hand rose, shakily, desperate.</p><p>Lexa’s mouth was open slightly, a slight gasp arising from her lips when Clarke gripped loosely at her coat, a sorry effort to pull her closer. </p><p>“I’m here.” Lexa whispered, holding back the tears. “I’m here.” She promised, lacing her free hand with Clarke’s. </p><p>“...Side.” Clarke croaked out, as if the single word took massive effort. </p><p>“...What?” Lexa stuttered. “...Side?” </p><p>Clarke’s eyes looked lidded, and Lexa feared that the blood loss was too severe. Her eyes raked Clarke’s body, paling, and found the source of the bleeding. </p><p>Clarke’s side. </p><p>“Jok.” Lexa hissed as she tore at Clarke’s jacket, eyes widening in terror as she examined the slice in Clarke’s side. </p><p>It was <em> black. </em></p><p>Ungodly, terribly, running through the veins closest to where she’d been pierced: jet black, moving slowly, seeping deeper into her flesh. </p><p>“Jok!” Lexa hissed once more, clutching at the wound. “Indra!” She roared, and Clarke couldn’t even flinch. That would explain the sluggishness. It wasn’t blood loss. </p><p>Clarke had been deliberately, <em> expertly </em>poisoned. </p><p>In hours, Clarke’s heart would stop. </p><p>She <em> needed </em>Abby. </p><p>“Help me lift her!” Lexa demanded. </p><p>Her warriors stared in shock, in disgust, at the black ink-like substance, ravaging away at the body of her love. </p><p>“Heda, you cannot-” </p><p>“NOW.” Lexa fumed, vein prominent in her neck. “She rides with me. You! Take <em> Steltrona. You- </em> stay here and scout. I <em> demand </em>answers.” Lexa snarled, and it was law. </p><p>Clarke’s breathing was shallow, her eyes dilated, her lids heavy. </p><p>“Klark.” Lexa whispered, and her voice was all Clarke could focus on, as she felt herself lifted, carried, her eyes closing and opening. </p><p>Lexa. </p><p>
  <em> She’d made it.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She’d found her. </em>
</p><p>“Stay with me.” Lexa pleaded, as they sat Clarke against her, enveloping Clarke in her arms, her hold tight. Clarke’s head collapsed against her neck, and Lexa kept her wrapped in her coat, using her sash instead to halt the bleeding as much as she could. </p><p>Lexa was afraid. </p><p>Nothing frightened the mighty Heda. Not war, not death, not famine, nothing. </p><p>Nothing except the prospect of losing Clarke. </p><p>“...Lek..sa” Clarke croaked into her skin. </p><p>“I’m here. Klark, you are going to be okay.” Lexa answered, willing her own tears away. </p><p>Clarke couldn’t see her like this, not now. Clarke couldn’t know how much danger she was in. </p><p>“Az…” Clarke swallowed her own spit, trying again. “Azg...come…” </p><p>The horse picked up at the fastest past Lexa could manage, without shaking Clarke to the point of further injuring her. </p><p>Lexa couldn’t understand. She squeezed Clarke’s uninjured side softly, trying to keep her alert.  </p><p>“Do not talk.” Lexa urged softly, in her ear. “Save your strength. I won’t let you die, Klark. I promise.” </p><p>Clarke could only burrow deeper into Lexa’s grip, unable to move her limbs much at all, barely able to keep her eyes open. </p><p>Her mind was as numb as her body, unable to think, to process, only to listen. </p><p>She <em> had </em>to warn Lexa. </p><p>She had to protect her, to save her. </p><p>But she couldn’t. She was trapped in her own body, subjected to whatever that was happening around her, unable to speak at all. </p><p>Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth, and she feared she might swallow it. </p><p><em> “Azgeda” </em> Clarke’s mind raged. “ <em> Azgeda is coming, and I’ll be damned if I died without telling you. Without saving you.”  </em></p><p>Lexa was all that kept her going, clinging to Steltrona’s neck, trusting a damned <em> horse </em>to guide her home, before she’d fallen off, immobilized. </p><p>She’d figured she’d die, under that tree, the canopy of leaves, the ravens cawing melancholic songs of death, and rot. </p><p>She remembered staring blankly at her own boots, wishing she’d just <em> die </em>already, because she couldn’t stand the searing pain in her side, that eventually made its way through her own veins. </p><p>She found it ironic that she’d die, just as Costia had (or, so they’d thought), at the hands of Azgeda. </p><p>But this was different, was it not? </p><p>She wasn’t even Lexa’s love. </p><p>But, oh, how Lexa was hers. </p><p>The feeling of...untapped <em> joy, </em>wickedly surging through her, coursing through her veins from her very soul, when she’d laid eyes upon Lexa. </p><p>
  <em> Coming to rescue you.  </em>
</p><p>She felt guilty, and thrilled all at once, because she’d endangered Lexa, but <em> Lexa had come for her.  </em></p><p>All she could do was cling, cling to Lexa’s coat, her furs, feel the familiar muscled arms clutch her, the clapping of the horseshoes against the cobblestone of Polis’ entrance, her eyes barely keeping open in the form of a slit. </p><p>“Klark.” Lexa’s tone was frightened. </p><p>Frightened. </p><p>Lexa was concerned, fearful. </p><p>She inhaled once, and though it was shallow, and led to a coughing fit, she smelled Lexa again for the first time in days. </p><p>Lexa smelled like home. Of pine and the forest, of rose petals from her elegant daily wash. </p><p>That scent used to be home, or so Clarke thought. </p><p>That was the scent she’d curl up to, every night, kisses decorating her collarbone as she’d curl into the familiar warmth of Leksa kom Trikru. </p><p>“Stay with me!” Lexa was roaring now, but it was dull, faraway, and the sting wasn’t nearly as sharp. </p><p>Clarke barely made out feelings, blurry images. </p><p>Warriors, frightened townspeople watching as their leader galloped in with a bloodied <em> almost </em>- corpse in her arms, clinging to her like a lifeline. </p><p>“Abby!” Lexa tugged the side of Indra’s shoulder strap, carelessly pulling her second in command backwards. “I need Abby. She cannot make the journey to the tower. Tell the healers to clear the tent, I’m taking her there.” </p><p>Clarke wasn’t sure if Indra even heard, as she was slowly losing consciousness, hearing only Lexa’s heart, slamming in her chest as she held Clarke. </p><p>“You cannot leave me.” Lexa whispered, only in Clarke’s ear. </p><p>
  <em> God, no. I could never. </em>
</p><p>“Clarke!” </p><p>
  <em> Mom? </em>
</p><p>“MOVE! Someone find Jackson! Clarke!” </p><p>
  <em> Oh, mom. Don’t cry.  </em>
</p><p>“It’s poison, Abby. I...there is no known antidote, I-” </p><p>“Blood!” Abby demanded, “Someone, get her on the table! Clean cloth! Water!” </p><p>Clarke could hear bustling, movement, <em> arguing. </em></p><p>“There is no way a transfusion could-” </p><p>“Do you want her to live or not?” </p><p>“Heda, it is against <em> our ways </em> to mix the <em> jus </em> of a <em> natblida </em>with-” </p><p>“What the fuck is she saying?!” </p><p>“Speak to me that way again, and-” </p><p>“EM PLENI!” </p><p>Clarke blacked out. </p><hr/><p>
  <em> An erratic, thumping rhythm.  </em>
</p><p>“She’s dying, Abby!” </p><p>“You think I don’t know that?! We don’t have the equipment, I-” </p><p>“Her heart is slowing down!” </p><p>“You! Your shock baton. Now, <em> move it.”  </em></p><p>“Klark.” </p><p>
  <em> Lexa. Oh, god, is that you? Why are you here?  </em>
</p><p>“Klark, <em> please. </em> I am <em> begging </em>you.” </p><p>
  <em> I wish I could do something.  </em>
</p><p>“Commander. Sit. You’re going to feel nauseous-” </p><p>“Do <em> whatever </em>it takes to save her. That is an order.” </p><p>
  <em> The rhythm slows.  </em>
</p><p>“We’re losing her. Fuck! What the <em> fuck </em>even is-” </p><p>“We’ll test it later, Abby. Focus.” </p><p>“She’s convulsing!” </p><p>“Hold her down.” </p><hr/><p>
  <em> A steady rhythm.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The smell of fire burning, contained, crackling in a nearby pit.  </em>
</p><p>“Boil those rags. I don’t want a trace of this...whatever this is.” </p><p>“Yes ma’am.” </p><p>
  <em> The voices are far away. Abby, Jackson, some other people I don’t know.  </em>
</p><p>“Klark.” <em> A faint whisper.  </em></p><p>
  <em> I’m here! Lexa, I’m here.  </em>
</p><p>“Klark. I know...I know you’re resting.” Lexa’s voice was timid. Clarke could feel her hand, warm and only partially gloved, clutching Clarke’s, like a lifeline. She was sitting beside whatever uncomfortable cot they’d managed for Clarke. </p><p>“I want you to know that I...I’m sorry.” </p><p>
  <em> Don’t be sorry.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You made a choice, and I’m happy for you.  </em>
</p><p>“There’s...so much to say.” Lexa murmured. “First, I need you to come back to me, <em> niron. </em>” </p><p>
  <em> Niron?  </em>
</p><p>“Lexa.” Abby’s voice rang out, exhausted, commanding. “We took enough blood to at least warrant a few hours of rest.” </p><p>
  <em> Blood? What did they do to you? </em>
</p><p>“I will rest here, with Clarke.” Lexa’s voice was unflinching. </p><p>“It’s late….” </p><p>“I understand.” Lexa’s voice remained unflinching. </p><p>
  <em> Sleep, you stubborn idiot. I’ll be alright.  </em>
</p><p>“She <em> should </em>come to in a few hours.” Abby explained. “Wake me, if I’m needed.” </p><hr/><p>“Hey, there.” Abby’s voice was tinged with relief as Clarke’s eyes shot open, stinging with dryness at the sudden light, taking in their surroundings. </p><p>“LEXA” Clarke croaked loudly before sending herself into a coughing fit. </p><p>“Clarke. Thank the heavens you’re alive.” Slender fingers wrapped around Clarke’s wrist, offering her a cup of water. Clarke glanced up, and took in Lexa, in all her glory. </p><p>God, she missed those eyes. </p><p>“Clarke, behave, or so help me, I’ll put you down for another few hours.” Abby demanded as Clarke practically chugged the water, feeling it soothe her scratchy throat. </p><p>Clarke shot Lexa a glance that said it all. </p><p>“A moment, Abby?” Lexa requested, clearing her throat. </p><p>Abby looked incredulous. “She just woke up-” </p><p>“Mom, I’m <em> fine!” </em> Clarke gritted. “I <em> need </em>to speak with Lexa.” </p><p>“You have <em> black blood </em> Clarke, you are most certainly <em> not-” </em></p><p>“I <em> what?!” </em>Clarke gasped, leaning back to glance at her injury, unsurprised to find it bandaged beyond reasonable expectation. </p><p>Lexa glanced at Abby and Abby shrugged. “I know you’re not supposed to shock recovering patients, but she asks for it.” </p><p>“<em> Mom.” </em> Clarke gritted. “ <em> Please.”  </em></p><p>“Do not bust a stitch, or I will kill you myself, honey.” Abby ground out. “Okay?” </p><p>“Fine.” Clarke huffed. </p><p>“You have five minutes, sweetheart. I need to look you over.” Abby called over her shoulder, the tent flaps closing behind her as she stepped out, letting in a thin sliver of light. </p><p>“You’re...here.” Lexa murmured, as Clarke reached up tentatively, fingers digging into the front of Lexa’s coat, pulling her down. </p><p>Lexa came obediently, without question, dipping her head down for Clarke to press her forehead against Lexa’s, breathing heavily. </p><p>“Don’t you <em> ever </em> scare me like that again.” Lexa warned, and tears pooled in her eyes. “ <em> Klark kom Skaikru, ai h-”  </em></p><p>“Lexa.” Clarke croaked, voice sounding desperate. “We’re not safe.” </p><p>Lexa recoiled instantly, jaw tightening at the words, surprised to have been cut off, but now completely distracted. </p><p>“What happened to you, Clarke?” Lexa demanded, suddenly all business. </p><p>“Azegda.” Clarke supplied readily. “I was days south of the border. Lexa, Azgeda is coming-” </p><p>“Azgeda?” Lexa repeated. “Are you positive, Clarke? Roan-” </p><p>“No.” Clarke admitted. “I...I don’t think it’s Azgeda. Ontari was there.” </p><p>“Ontari?” Lexa asked, voice fearless once more, (only now that Clarke was safe, of course). </p><p>“They looked like deserters.” Clarke murmured. “They...they were bloodstained. They had different scars, they wore bone necklaces….I think they were made of teeth.” </p><p>Lexa ground her teeth once, jaw clenching. </p><p>“I think they were the people who were holding Costia for Nia, Lexa. I think they were the mutinous ones who started this entire mess.” </p><p>Lexa’s eyes were unreadable. </p><p>“How many?” She demanded, though it was soft, sure not to be an order. </p><p>“Hundreds, at least.” </p><p>“<em> Jok. </em>So that’s why they...poisoned you…” Lexa whispered, and Clarke’s hand found hers, squeezing it softly. </p><p>“They didn’t want me to deliver the message. Well, here I am.” Clarke gritted her teeth. “Let’s move, Lexa. We have a day, maybe two at best.” </p><p>“Move?” Lexa echoed, cocking a brow. She pushed Clarke back into the cot. “No.” She murmured. “You will remain here, until you’ve fully healed.” </p><p>Clarke looked aghast. “What?” She demanded. “Lexa, I need to fight. My people are-” </p><p>“They will be taken care of.” Lexa assured. “You are no good to them like this, Clarke.” </p><p>“What did you do to me?” Clarke whispered, glancing down at her wound once more, looking terribly conflicted. </p><p>“You...the only resistance to that poison is blood like...mine.” Lexa finished uneasily. </p><p>“You mean you…”</p><p>“I gave enough to help reverse the effects, Clarke.” </p><p>Clarke’s expression softened, as she squeezed Lexa’s hand. “Indra didn’t sound happy.” She whispered. “Thank you.” </p><p>Lexa nodded grimly. “No one can know, Clarke. It is...against our ways, to allow someone else to carry the nightblood. It is meant for…” </p><p>“Not me.” Clarke nodded. “I understand. So...why did you do it?” </p><p>Lexa blinked, as if she’d been slapped. “Why?” She echoed. “Clarke, you would have-” </p><p>“Died, I know.” Clarke rasped. “But...am I worth breaking tradition for?” </p><p>Lexa looked insulted. “I broke every other tradition we had in place, upon your request.” </p><p>Clarke smiled then, for the first time in a very long time, and Lexa mirrored it, unable to contain the somersaults her heart did in her chest. </p><p>“I rode out of the grounds on a second’s notice, for you.” Lexa continued, leaning forward, her voice barely trembling. “I am halting <em> war preparations </em>for you, at this very moment.” Lexa leaned in, and Clarke pressed their foreheads together, hand tangling in Lexa’s curls. </p><p>“When you left, Clarke, I...I…” Lexa stumbled for words, and Clarke wanted nothing more than to kiss away her fears. </p><p>“...Lexa?” A voice, familiar and yet foreign all at once, sounded, and the two immediately broke apart. </p><p>There, pushing past the flaps of the tent, was none other than Costia. </p><p>Clarke wanted to smack herself on the forehead, for being so foolish, for <em> forgetting.  </em></p><p>Forgetting why she left in the first place, forgetting why her heart <em> needed </em>to stop tripping over itself whenever she saw Lexa. </p><p>“...Costia.” Lexa breathed, turning back to face her. </p><p>Clarke tried not to let her sudden disappointment show, she tried not to let her shoulders sag as if the weight of the world was atop them. </p><p>She then realized that she was bruised and battered anyway, and that she could never look as radiant or as <em> familiar </em>to Lexa as Costia ever could. </p><p>Hell, there was a war coming anyway. </p><p>She didn’t need to look radiant to die for her people, if that was where this was headed. </p><p>“I...I don’t mean to intrude.” Costia spoke <em> gonasleng </em>with a heavier accent, making it all the more rounded, charming to the ear. </p><p>“What is it?” Lexa asked, her voice soft, just as it was with Clarke. </p><p>“People have been gathering.” Costia informed her. “The guards let me through, they want a word with you. They say it is urgent, <em> Leksa.”  </em></p><p>
  <em> Leksa.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Of course they were on a first name basis.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Clarke had thought that was perhaps a privilege only she had been allowed.  </em>
</p><p>Clarke was learning many things, it seemed. </p><p>“I know what this is about.” Lexa glanced at Clarke knowingly, and when Costia took another step forward, as if testing her boundaries, Lexa spoke aloud. </p><p>“Costia, this is-” </p><p>“Wanheda.” Clarke finished for her, voice a bit rougher than before. </p><p>There was something about the vulnerability, the intimacy of knowing Clarke’s real name, that kept Clarke from sharing it. </p><p>Not for Costia. </p><p>At the mention of the notorious name, Costia flinched slightly, her eyes widening. “Klark...is Wanheda?” </p><p>Lexa nodded, looking rather uncomfortable. </p><p>“You’ve heard of me?” Clarke questioned, sitting up slightly. </p><p>“Your name is...renowned, among the clans.” Costia murmured. “You burned three hundred warriors alive. You felled the mountain. They say...you are immortal.” </p><p>Lexa tsked, knowing Clarke’s discomfort with her title. “Klark is not-” </p><p>“I am.” Clarke cut her off. “I...have done those things.” </p><p>Costia looked afraid, and Lexa looked perplexed, if not a bit sorrowful. </p><p>“Clarke.” Abby poked her head in, eyes narrowing at the sight of Costia and Lexa. “It is a little crowded in here.” She spoke firmly, eyes challenging Lexa’s. </p><p>Lexa glanced to Clarke, and to her surprise, Clarke nodded. </p><p>“I think it is.” Clarke muttered, trying to miss the expression of hurt that quickly flicked across Lexa’s features. </p><p>“I should go make preparations.” Lexa murmured, dipping her head to Clarke. “I will be back. Rest, gather your strength.” </p><p>Clarke didn’t bother answering, watching as she slipped out, Costia following with only a lingering glance. </p><hr/><p>“Your mood soured.” Abby noted, lifting Clarke’s arm, inspecting it for damage, as she swabbed at some cuts that she’d newly discovered. </p><p>Clarke sighed dejectedly in response. “War is coming.” She answered bleakly. </p><p>“And you hate being bed-ridden. I know.” Abby sighed, running a hand through Clarke’s blonde main. “But I know you’re not angry because of the state of our political climate, Clarke.” </p><p>“What do you think it is, then?” Clarke pressed wryly, annoyed at Abby’s constant poking and prodding. </p><p>“I think your heart is broken.” Abby replied softly, going to grab a clean towel. </p><p>“And you’re happy, aren’t you?” Clarke decided to go on the offensive, feeling suddenly attacked. </p><p>Abby paused, licking her lips. “And why on Earth would I be happy about that?” She challenged wryly. </p><p>Clarke sighed, feeling useless in her cot, wishing she were out in the open air. <em> By Lexa’s side. Where Costia probably was at this instant.  </em></p><p>What had happened, between the two of them? Had she dreamed Lexa calling her that word? <em> Ai niron? </em>Had they almost kissed, seconds before Costia had entered? </p><p>She was so, utterly confused. </p><p>But it seemed there were greater issues at hand. </p><p>“You never liked Lexa.” Clarke jabbed. </p><p>Abby sighed. “Things are more complicated than the way you see them, Clarke. They’re not black and white-” </p><p>“Why don’t you stop the chancellor's speeches and admit it?” Clarke prodded. “You never liked her, and I don’t know why, because without her, you and I, and all of our people would be six feet under.” </p><p>“I like her.” Abby admitted, wringing a rag free of the water it was sitting in. </p><p>“And anyway, you never- Wait.” Clarke paused. “What did you just say?” </p><p>“I like her.” Abby replied, with a hint of dry amusement. “Maybe I was wrong. Maybe we misjudged her. That much is clear from the progress alone, since we’ve allied. But Clarke, you are my daughter. Do you even know what that means?” </p><p>Clarke blinked, clearly taken aback. </p><p>“Clarke, honey.” Abby sat at the edge of her cot, rubbing Clarke’s leg.  “You are my daughter. I have one job, and that is to protect you. From anything...anyone.” </p><p>Clarke nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. “You know….Mom. I don’t know why I’m telling you this but...when I was out there, alone...I thought of something you told me. Something that stayed in my head, this whole time. I never thought it was relevant, or important, but it surfaced, and I couldn’t help but draw a parallel.” </p><p>Abby glanced into her daughter’s eyes with a curious gaze. “What is it?” She asked softly. </p><p>“Remember the story you told me? About you, and Kane, and...dad?” </p><p>Abby nodded, smiling just a little at the mention of Jake, and it made Clarke’s heart ache unbelievably.  </p><p>“You told me that...you were torn, between them. Kane was...practicality, and safety, and companionship. And Dad was...<em> love. </em>Excitement, warmth, and feeling. More than just circumstantial affection.” </p><p>Abby followed quietly, trying to see where Clarke was taking this. </p><p>“Mom.” Clarke opened her mouth to speak again, and it came out as a sob. “I...I love her.” She admitted weakly, as if saying it aloud would cement it, and it would all be over as soon as she realized it. </p><p>Abby bit her lip, leaning forward. She slowly enveloped Clarke into an embrace, cradling her head as she whispered to her, soft reassuring. </p><p>“I know, baby, I know.” Abby murmured into her hair, thanking whomever was watching over them that Clarke was safe, once again. </p><p>“It’s stupid.” Clarke whispered. “I...I’m known as all these things, mom. Wanheda, the mountain slayer, and I...<em> this </em>? Why does it hurt so much?” </p><p>Abby nodded sagely, kissing Clarke’s head. “Hurts more than the stitches, doesn’t it?” </p><p>Clarke laughed sadly into Abby’s chest, grateful to have her mother there in that instant, a last-resort sort of lifeline. </p><p>“But Clarke.” Abby pressed. “Maybe you haven’t given yourself a fair chance.” </p><p>Clarke shook her head. “I’m...I’m done aching over this, mom. Look what a mess I’ve already made.” </p><p>Abby shook her head. “You saved our people, because of it.” </p><p>“Not yet.” Clarke pointed out uneasily. “Mom, these warriors...they were something else. They’re underprepared. They need me out there.” </p><p>Abby sighed. “Clarke, you’ve done enough for these people. We need to ensure your safety, now. Okay? You need to trust that Lexa can handle this.” </p><p>“Mom, I-” </p><p>“Doctor Griffin.” Jackson poked his head in through the tent flaps, sounding apologetic. “You’re needed in the throne room.” </p><p>Abby sighed, sharing a strained look with Clarke. </p><p>“Get some rest.” She ordered softly. “You’ll need it. Especially with the mounting defenses, they’ll be moving you to a safer infirmary.” </p><p>Clarke shook her head. “Mom, I can-” </p><p>“No arguing.” Abby turned to Jackson. “Make sure the guards outside know, alright?” </p><p>Jackson hid an apologetic glance at Clarke as her turned, nodding. </p><p>Great. </p><p>Clarke was stuck. </p><p>And war was brewing. </p><hr/><p>“You would propose what, exactly?” Lexa was beyond angered, in the war room, fresh from her talk with Clarke, wound up to her very core. </p><p>She was beyond exasperated at the suggestions of her generals, none of which held a candle to Clarke’s idealistic thinking, her ability to come up with solutions that saved lives, time and time again. </p><p>“Heda, the only way to mount a proper attack in such little time is to sustain the blows here at Polis.” Her general insisted. </p><p>“Polis?!” Lexa seethed. “You would have me lead the enemy straight into the heart of <em> my </em>city. Men, women, children, and countless other lives…” Lexa’s voice was strained. </p><p>“Our army is fit for a defensive maneuver.” Her general insisted. </p><p>“And if it fails?” Lexa snapped. </p><p>“Heda, the likelihood of that-” </p><p>“I did not ask for your analysis.” Lexa growled. “I asked you a question. What if our army cannot hold them back?” </p><p>Her general looked furious, and Lexa sighed internally, wishing Anya were in his place. </p><p><em> Clarke. </em> Her mind reminded with unmatched repetition. <em> Clarke is in Polis. Injured. She cannot be endangered.  </em></p><p>“Heda, with all due respect-” </p><p>“Choose your words carefully, then.” Lexa spat, her voice low, the vein on her forehead prominent, the tendon down the side of her neck jutting out, ferally. </p><p>“What do you suggest?” Her other general spoke up from the left end of the great oak table, where maps were strewn, along with daggers and quills, blots of ink dotting their best routes. </p><p>“We will meet them before they reach us.” Lexa explained. “The river to the south will slow them. We may ride out to its edges, with our finest outfit. The others will stay here. I want archers on the walls. No one in their homes. Direct the people to the cellars, the bunkers behind the training grounds. Ration the food supplies. I’d wager it won’t take more than a day’s efforts, but I <em> will not </em>chance the lives of my people. Do we have an understanding?” Lexa spoke regally, and the others nodded in agreement. </p><p>“And what of <em> Skaikru </em>?” Kane spoke from the back of the room. “We have no weaponry in Polis. Most of our people are in Arkadia.” </p><p>Lexa nodded, biting her lip. “I will send a defensive party to Arkadia. I doubt it will be necessary, but I will take the precautions.” She glanced at Roan, who’d been silent the entire time. </p><p>“Dismissed.” Lexa sighed. “See Titus for your individual orders. No one sleeps until the troops are mobilized.” </p><p>“Yes, Heda.” The chorus was final, and the room cleared out. Roan turned to leave, but Lexa eyed the guard at the door, and she nodded, sticking her spear out in front of Roan, blocking his path. </p><p>“Heda wishes to speak with you.” The guard murmured, shutting the door with no final utterance. </p><p>Roan turned around, arms lazily crossed, leaning against the door that had just closed. </p><p>Lexa didn’t seem too impressed by his attitude. She frowned, and he knew that wasn’t a good sign at all. </p><p>“Roan.” Lexa drawled, tauntingly. “King of Azgeda.” </p><p>“I can tell you’re none too pleased.” Roan returned. </p><p>“Should I be pleased to hear that a king that <em> I appointed </em> , has let <em> savages </em>run rampant in his hold?” Lexa snapped. </p><p>Roan refused to flinch. “Lexa-” </p><p>“Heda.” Lexa growled. </p><p>“Heda.” Roan apologized. “I know what you’re thinking, but-” </p><p>“You chose to return to my lands with Costia at <em> quite </em>the opportune moment.” Lexa pressed. “A distraction, of sorts.” </p><p>Roan snorted. “You think my sister plays the same strategic game you played? The same my mother played? She is here for <em> blood. </em>This has nothing to do with your personal affairs.” </p><p>“And I’m to trust you? Blindly?” Lexa challenged. </p><p>“You did appoint me king.” Roan pointed out. “And I brought you Costia. Fed, clothed, and cared for. What was I to do? Leave her?” </p><p>Lexa sighed. </p><p>In a way, he was right. </p><p>She was utterly thrown. </p><p>Was love truly blinding her, the way Titus had warned? Was she to follow her diplomatic instincts? </p><p>“How can I be sure?” Lexa half whispered, seemingly lost in thought. </p><p>“Have I given you reason to doubt me?” Roan pressed. “I have sworn fealty, enforced your laws, persuaded my people to <em> love </em>you.” </p><p>Lexa knew that he was right. </p><p>He was right, and it killed her. </p><p>“You <em> want </em>her to be an illusion, a betrayal.” Roan smiled wryly, and Lexa wanted to cut his lips off in that moment. “It does not do for Heda to have her affections so carelessly divided.” </p><p>Lexa was taken aback at the gravity of his words. </p><p>“The fact remains, Heda, that war is coming, and I am one of your acting generals. If they meet without me-” </p><p>“Dismissed.” Lexa growled, throwing her dagger into the wood of the table with such force that it tore the etching of Polis’ tower on the map, leaving it severed in half. </p><hr/><p>“Leksa.” Costia prodded softly as she found Lexa exiting the tower in a rush, finally alone after hours upon hours of planning. She wore armor, black and broad, her hair tied back into braids that signified battle. Her warpaint dripped and made her look ferocious, deadly, breathtaking. </p><p>“Costia.” Lexa paused for a moment. “I...I’m sorry.” She murmured, for all the things she’d said, and thought, in the war room with Roan. </p><p>“What on Earth for?” Costia murmured, cupping Lexa’s cheek. </p><p>Lexa looked uneasy, and Costia slowly slid her hand back down.</p><p>“Walk with me?” Lexa offered softly. “I need to ensure the safety of our wounded before we march on the river.” </p><p>Costia nodded, following as Lexa led the way. Around them, the town was bustling with hushed movement as guards oversaw the preparation of the townspeople. </p><p>Children whispered and pointed and glanced at Lexa as if she were carrying their hopes and their dreams, and perhaps she was. </p><p>“Are you afraid?” Costia asked softly, and Lexa felt the way their fingers brushed against one another. </p><p>“No.” Lexa murmured. “Not for myself.” </p><p>
  <em> For others. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> For Clarke. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> For you.  </em>
</p><p>“So selfless.” Costia spoke softly, her words barely there against Lexa’s ears, like petals dropping to the floor in a light breeze. </p><p>“I don’t like leaving Polis defenseless.” Lexa admitted softly. “But this is the only way to buy time for the people in the event that I...that we…” </p><p>“Don’t talk like that.” Costia admonished. “You won’t fail.” </p><p>Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat. </p><p>She hoped Costia was right. </p><p>“And...this...Wanheda…” Costia began, as they neared the tent, over the sloping hill. </p><p>“You will be safe with her here.” Lexa assured, eyes twinkling. “She is...not like they say.” </p><p>“You know her?” Costia challenged ever so slightly. </p><p>Lexa nodded, licking her lips. “I do.” She admitted, and couldn’t find room for regret. </p><p>How could she ever regret Clarke?  </p><p>"And...there's more you need to know, about her." Lexa continued. As Lexa pushed past the tent flaps, she nearly lunged when she saw Clarke on her legs, clearly caught in the act of trying to sneak out of the side of the tent. </p><p>“Klark.” Lexa breathed, and Clarke whipped around, hands immediately grabbing at her side.</p><p>“Fuck.” Clarke muttered, glancing up. “Hi.” </p><p>“Hi?” Lexa echoed with a cocked brow, moving over to sling an arm around Clarke. </p><p>Clarke sighed breathily, leaning her weight on Lexa. </p><p>“What’s your plan?” Clarke asked, wincing through her teeth. </p><p>“Do not deflect, Clarke.” Lexa admonished. “You were trying to sneak out.” </p><p>Clarke rolled her eyes. “I don’t need your lectures, Lexa.” </p><p>Lexa let out an almost-growl. “Clarke.” She pleaded. “I need you to...be...okay…” She found it difficult to pass the words from her lips, with Clarke glancing at her the way that she was. </p><p>“I’m okay.” Clarke breathed, and the two found each other’s hands, fingers lacing together. “Where’s Costia? I thought I heard you talking.” Clarke whispered, as an afterthought. </p><p>“She...is waiting outside.” Lexa admitted, and didn’t miss the look of heartbreak on Clarke’s face, etched into her eyes, her soul. </p><p>“What is your course of action?” Clarke pressed, trying not to let the sting of tears get to her. </p><p>“We plan to ride to the river. To hold them off. In the event that we fail, it gives our people time to fall back. Perhaps to Arkadia.” Lexa informed her. </p><p>Clarke nodded. “Smart. Riskier, fighting out in the open.” She added. “You don’t think Ontari is open to negotiation?” </p><p>Lexa shook her head, a ghost of a smile on her lips. Clarke was so capable, so like-minded, always searching for a better solution. </p><p>It was why Lexa loved her so much. </p><p>“The only thing she would want is the throne.” Lexa replied, shaking her head. </p><p>“She can’t have it.” Clarke growled, defensive. </p><p>“You will stay here. The elderly, the sickly, the injured...they are to be confined to a single bunker. The others are our civilians. They need guidance, Klark, I-” </p><p>“I can help.” Clarke replied reassuringly, squeezing Lexa’s hand. “But...Maybe I could help you more, if I rode out with-” </p><p>“No.” Lexa gritted. “Absolutely not.” </p><p>“Why?” Clarke challenged hotly. “You don’t think I can?” </p><p>“Of course you can.” Lexa sounded exasperated. </p><p>“Then what, Lexa?” Clarke half growled, half pleaded. “You can’t order me around like-” </p><p>“I am not ordering you.” Lexa murmured. “Klark.” She pleaded, noticing how close their lips were. “There are so many things I have to tell you, but...there is no time.” </p><p>Clarke nodded, eyeing Lexa’s full, luscious lips. </p><p>“You belong to someone else.” Clarke whispered, and Lexa’s heart shattered. </p><p>“No…” Lexa leaned in slightly, cupping Clarke’s cheeks with her gloved fingers, reveling in the softness of her skin. “Klark, I….” She trailed off, and couldn’t help herself. </p><p>She kissed Clarke tenderly, passionately, moving slowly, their breathing becoming uniform. Clarke’s arms wound around Lexa’s neck, and she anchored herself to Lexa, kissing her recklessly, licking at Lexa’s lower lip, whining softly when she was granted entrance. </p><p>Lexa tasted like home. </p><p>Lexa’s thumb softly stroked Clarke’s cheek as they kissed, and Clarke couldn’t remember the last time she felt so warm, so safe, even if it was only an illusion, for just a second’s notice. </p><p>They couldn’t hear the calls, at first, so lost in each other that neither time nor the world existed. </p><p>Only when Costia stepped in, flanked by Indra and Abby, did they freeze, pulling apart, the immensity of it all coming crashing down around them. </p><p>War was here. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! You can still find me at: clexa-hsau.tumblr.com  for story updates, nerdy fic discussions, and most things clexa. We’re still kickin’ ;)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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